Has your child developed a fear of failure?
Are you a sports parent? Here are some simple steps to ensure you're doing everything you can to support your child's talent.
12 Coaching Questions to ask yourself before making a Big Decision.
These are some of my favourite thought provoking, emotion stirring, intuition sparking and bottom of your stomach – gut-wrenching questions I ask clients when they come to me with big decisions to make.
As a coach, it is never my job to lead, pressure or influence. My job is to get to the bottom of what… YOU WANT TO HAPPEN.
At first maybe what you want is a foggy image lurking in the distance, maybe it’s something you only dream about when by yourself, perhaps fear is preventing you from creating even a vision, let alone saying it out loud.
However, YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS, they may be buried deep but they are there and you know exactly what to do and how & when to do it.
So, let’s get to it – grab a pen, some paper or open up your Evernote App and let’s get started.
1. What is possible? Sit quietly, close your eyes and dream… if you’re a visual person you’ll see images; an auditory individual will hear words or snippets of conversation and a kinaesthetic soul will experience feelings in the body… engaging all the senses will be highly effective in your ‘day-dreaming.’
2. What is the opportunity here? Have you given serious thought to what your life will look like when you are living the life you want? Who can help you on your path? What can you do to accelerate to that life? What resources (contacts/ knowledge/ help) are staring you in the face and you just haven’t realised…? Start asking the universe to help you and you will be AMAZED at how many resources will fall into your lap and help you on your path. People are kind and they enjoy helping others – utilise this and return the favour when it’s your turn.
3. What if it works out exactly as you want it to? Yep, it does happen you know. Your life can and will work out exactly as you want it to. Start believing – get yourself there. See it now.
4. If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Being able to look back in retrospect at your previous challenges, decisions, bumps, wrong turns, and learn from past mistakes without judgement or blame will allow you to grow more mentally tough. Yes, perhaps it wasn’t perfect the first time, maybe things didn’t go to plan – what have you learned from this? How is this going to guide your future decision-making? You will have learned a LOT about yourself in times of stress. What did you learn & how did it enable you to transform into a stronger individual?
5. What is the challenge? Be a grown up about this - predict, plan and prepare for the challenges ahead: what/ who could be distractions or interferences? How are you going to deal with that? How will you prepare yourself? Be ready for them and they won’t come as a shock – they may not come at all. If fear has been governing your thought process, you may be pleasantly surprised to find the reality is a lot less dramatic than your self-limiting imagination.
6. How does this fit with your plans? Who? When? What? How? What is your current situation and environment? Who is this going to effect and how are you going to deal with it?
7. How does it fit with your values? Family, money, independence, honesty, and integrity… the list is endless and your values will be unique to you. Give great thought to contentious matter or conflicts of interest. If it feels wrong – explore that feeling. Where is it coming from and will you be able to sit easily with the decision when it’s made?
8. What is the dream? Fanciful, indulgent, whimsical or just plain bonkers… it’s your dream so exercise the right to dream it!
9. What is exciting to you about this? When are you getting those bubbles of excitement, a curl of the lips or those waves of anticipation? Focus on this – it will be your motivation.
10. How else could a person handle this? Bring to mind real, living, dead or mythical role models, people you admire and respect. What would they do? How would it feel to be in their shoes making that decision? What are they saying to you right now?
11. What is the urge? Go back to your motivation and the excitement – where does this stem from? Is this urge a positive or negative influence on your life? How are you going to use and handle it to benefit your future?
12. What does your intuition tell you? As mentioned in the beginning… all you have to do is listen to your Inner Voice because it only has your best interests at heart. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO – THE ANSWERS ARE ALL INSIDE.
Good luck – let me know how it goes.
Wishing you peace, light & love,
Before you visit a Hypnotherapist read this first!
I am always asked the same questions with regards to Hypnotherapy, so thought I’d compile a list of frequently asked questions.
Is Hypnotherapy dangerous?
Absolutely NOT dangerous in the slightest – in fact, most of us are in a state of trance on and off throughout the day. Have you ever woken up just before your alarm and drifted dreamily…knowing you could be alert and wide awake if you wanted to yet enjoying the feeling of blissful relaxation so much you just want it to carry on? Have you ever been listening to someone, reading a book or watching television yet not taking anything in because you’re talking to your self about something completely different? Have you ever driven from one place to another and when you reached your destination couldn’t quite remember how you got there because you’d been on ‘autopilot?’ Do you daydream?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above – GREAT NEWS, you are able to take yourself into hypnotic trance really quickly and easily, so will find listening to hypnotic audios or seeing a hypnotherapist effortless and will get the results you want fast.
Will you make me do strange things?
NO, Clinical Hypnotherapists who are certified and accredited with a Professional Governing Body will be well trained and supervised and have no time, energy or inclination to make you do things you don’t want to do. It is also completely impossible to make someone perform an act during trance without them wanting to do it – no matter what you may have seen or heard on television.
I am associated with The Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapy who are an Official Verification Authority for the UK Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council. My own training involved 100 hours of observed Hypnotherapy sessions and two years of Psychotherapeutic study before I was allowed to practice on my own. If in any doubt – ask the hypnotherapist who they are in Supervision with. All professional Hypnotherapists have to receive supervision by a mentor. I meet with my confidential professional group for four hours every month. We are also required to maintain our own continued professional development by attending courses, lectures, seminars and our own therapeutic counselling every year.
Competent therapists will only have your best intentions and well being in mind throughout the therapeutic process. This will involve you filling out a comprehensive Client Questionnaire that will need to be fully completed before the first session. This questionnaire followed by an in-depth discussion at your first appointment will give the therapist all the background information needed to work with you to reach your well-formed goals. This is an extremely important part of the therapeutic process.
Will I be sleepy afterwards? Is it safe to go back to work?
You will feel relaxed afterwards but not sleepy. The hypnotherapist will count you back up into waking consciousness, give you a drink and allow you to collect your thoughts and have a good stretch. They’ll always ask how you are feeling and monitor you for a while before you leave. You will leave feeling refreshed, awake and safe in the knowledge that you can go about your normal daily routine.
If you know or expect a lot of deep, buried emotional issues may arise during the appointment – go easy on yourself afterwards and allow yourself some time to heal. You may experience vivid dreams as your subconscious processes new data or decides to release old data that’s not serving you any more. However, during some of the deeper psychoanalytical therapy, you may not even be aware of the great work being done to transform and shift you into a place of healing and happiness and you may walk out with a real spring in your step eager to walk back into the world and experience all the amazing things it has to offer.
Will you be able to cure me in an hour?
We’re not in the business of ‘curing’ people, nor are we offering a quick fix or magic solution. Hypnotherapists will work with you in a therapeutic environment, sometimes combined with other therapeutic interventions such as Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, NLP™ Coaching, EFT, Counselling or Energy Work. They will work with you in a Therapeutic Alliance where you will also take on responsibility for your own healing: you may be required to listen to audios at home or complete small tasks during the week. This will be for your benefit and to allow you greater understanding of your own psyche, empowering you for your future happiness and wellness. Appointment times can range from one to three hours and you may need a single appointment or several weekly ones. This will all be discussed during the initial appointment. The best results are always driven from an open heart and open mind. You’re not servicing your car; you’re dealing with your brain and mental wellness, so rest assured that the changes will happen when you’re ready and willing.
There also may be situations where you don’t quite gel with your hypnotherapist or vice versa and they refer you. This is completely normal and happens quite often. Go with someone you feel comfortable with from the beginning. Likewise, if you are referred to another therapist feel pleased that the therapist was congruent enough to admit they didn’t possess the right criteria to help you reach your goals. We are a very supportive professional community and meet regularly. If we know another therapist is specialized in a particular area, you will be referred accordingly to a reputable therapist.
Can you stop me smoking?
Do you want to stop smoking or is someone putting pressure on you to give up? There is a big difference. Do NOT waste your money if you’re not one hundred percent sure. There are lots of fantastic Hypnotherapists who have very high success rates for Smoking Cessation. I will be referring to you to one of them because I don’t enjoy Smoking Cessation Sessions and would rather concentrate on other areas of therapy.
Be Your Own mental Coach – 6 Ways to banish self-doubt & self-sabotage.
If you compete in sports at a professional level you no doubt already have a coach, nutritionist and mentor. You invest time and money in pursuit of the ultimate goal: to win.
But what happens when you reach a plateau? What happens when those feelings of self-doubt creep in during the early hours or when you hear the whispers of self-sabotage and the dreaded guilt, shame and disapproval knocks your confidence?
Athletes can spend a lot of time travelling to events around the world - often on your own when thoughts and mental dialogue can repeat on constant replay. Those feelings that can grip you into depths of despair and cast shadows over your ability need to be taken charge of before they do damage to your performance.
So what can you do?
How can you be your own mental coach?
1. Tell yourself to 'STOP' it takes 12 seconds for the amygdala part of the brain to release the stress hormone cortisol which is responsible for the fight, flight or freeze response. After you have instructed your body to 'STOP' count down slowly from 12 to 1 sending each breath further and further down your body until all feelings of stress have been replaced with feelings of deep calm. Feel your body physically alter into a state of blissful relaxation where you are in control again.
2. Remember you have the POWER TO CONTROL your thoughts. You can choose to jump off the hamster wheel and see that thought from a different perspective. Just as you have chosen in the past to listen to that thought you can choose to STOP listening. That thought is temporary - write it down, say it out loud. Once you see it or hear it you will be better equipped to deal with it, laugh at it, put it in perspective - BURN IT if you have to. You have complete control to let it go and FREE yourself.
3. Notice where a thought or feeling starts in your body - surprisingly, once you start noticing more about your body's reactions, you'll notice that not all start in your head! EXPERIENCE THE EXPERIENCE - where has it started? Can you give it a colour, a shape or a noise? Is it travelling in a particular direction? If so - start REVERSING, SHRINKING, FADING & MOVING that feeling until you can dissolve it, dissipate it and evaporate it, making it disappear completely.
4. COACH yourself - If you find yourself starting thoughts with, 'I don't know why...' Ask yourself, 'What if I did know? What if I was a person who did know the answer/ what to do/ why it happened...' etc. Leave the self-sabotage circle and start a new thread of thought patterns. Constructive, useful ones that will leave you feeling empowered and in control again.
5. REMEMBER your successes; EXPLORE your motivation and CREATE VIVID recalls of times of past triumph, victories and accomplishments. Take yourself back to moments of pride - recapture those feelings, sights, sounds and smells. RE-LIVE those moments and feel the rush through your body as your neurotransmitters fire off all those beautiful happy hormones, brining your to a place of peace and tranquility again.
6. TRICK your brain and override feelings of tension, stress and anxiety by placing a chopstick in your mouth horizontally corner-to-corner and biting on it. Your neurotransmitters will be activated by the tiny muscles in your cheeks from forced smiling, flooding your body with the feel good hormones dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. This not only relaxes your body, but it can lower your heart rate and blood pressure too.